Being proud of you…

I recently read this powerful quote which went: 

“One day it just clicks… You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they’d never recover. And then you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.”

I read this and it didn’t register immediately as most things do sometimes. I guess there is an element of gestation that kinda goes into things sinking in but hey. I recently gave my very first TED Talk and I must say; it was the greatest experience of my life. I had prepared for the talk for 3 months and had never been so thoroughly prepared for something like I was for that talk. My talk was entitled “You are an idea worth spreading” and I guess I won’t go into detail with it because it will be on the TED global website come January. I was so nervous yet so excited because I had been waiting for this moment in my life for years. I had one mission; to slay. I wanted to give a mind fucking talk and I hope I did that. 

Everyone was so happy and proud of me and I saw that I really didn’t understand what a big deal it was because often you only see things from your perspective. You never know how big or small the things you do are from the outside because you’re simply just doing it. People will see you riding a lion and think “Omg he’s riding a lion, he’s so cool!!” Yet you’re thinking “How the fuck did I get on this lion? I better keep still and hope it doesn’t notice me and decide it’s hungry” hahaha! 

Anyway, it’s been a couple of days since the talk and it only hit me now what an epic moment that was for me. It was magical, especially when my name was called up and I hit the stage and said my first words which were “OK…” It was like something told me “This is your moment now so slay.” And I obviously had to reply. 

 

 Fucking EPIC!!! 

For me what stands out was that all the things people had said to me didn’t mean much to me until I approved it all to myself. I was grateful for the words and the love but I see that it was only when I began being proud of me did it matter and did it all sink in. I’ve learnt how to be the only person whose approval I seek and the only person whose validation I want. 

For so long in my life I went on allowing everything and everyone else to approve me and clap for me to a point where I maybe became addicted to it, I don’t know. It felt cool to be top student in your grade, copping up subject trophies and having everyone label you smart or whatever back then but I see now that was possibly the most dangerous thing I ever allowed but I also understand now that I didn’t know any better. From the moment we’ve been born it seems there was always someone close we had to impress. Our parents, friends, loved ones and the list goes on. I had to see the darkside of society to realize that the same hands that they use to clap for you are the same hands they use to slap you, directly and indirectly. The same mouth they use to say how proud they are of you is the same mouth they use to say how disappointed they are of you. And the same body they use to hug you is the same body they use to turn your back on you when you’re at your lowest. It’s a double edged sword this human thing. 

I see now that I’ve gained such a clarity of who I am and my place in this experience called life and I really don’t know where people find themselves as they are reading this but ima be all kinds of real for a moment because I’m no longer afraid of me, my past, my light and especially my darkness, they all make me me… I’ll out in 5 titles. 

1. Life

In terms of life I see I’ve gained clarity in terms of how it unfolds. I see now that life isn’t what happens to you, life is what happens because of you. Sure there is 5% of life we really can’t control but other 95% of our lives I assure you are 100% because of us. You are where you are right now because of all the thoughts and actions that have led you up to this moment in life where you are reading this. Whether you love or hate your life or situation is all really because of you. Your paradigm determines your result and a paradigm is simply just a multitude of habits, you change your habits, you change your paradigm and you change your results. 

I had to lose everything I once held dear to realize that I didn’t really need them in my life to realize just how much pain something’s just bring to me. It was only when I lost my fear of death did I gain my love of life. Life will happen to you sure, and we can’t control that, but what we can do is control how we respond to it. You can choose to have something kill you, or you can choose to learn from it and grow. It’s all about your point of reference and the richness of your knowledge in yourself. 

I laugh about it all now because I see that life is really what we agree it is. What the fuck is real and what isn’t? It’s only what we perceive as being real or not I mean?!! Hahaha it’s just an experience we’re all just going through hey…

2. Friendships & Family

In terms of friends & family, I’ve accepted we’re all family under the sky, it just so happened that we look different and can’t occupy the same space. This is not that "we are one" bullshit nobody seems to ever will understand but I see that everyone is your family if you think about it. You can go from being strangers, to being best of friends, to being married and to having babies in a blink of an eye. It’s all really about where you pay attention that determines who your friends and family are. We hold the blood thing so high not realizing that at sometimes we might give a fuck or not give a fuck and that’s ok. 

I’ve seen that some people will only be there as long as their need of you is sustained. The moment that leaves, all of a sudden the friendship and family thing just falls away. I’ve learnt that it’s ok for friendship and family bonds to die. I am not bound to them and am not obligated to them. It’s simple, whoever puts effort into me and I vice versa are my family. And that’s just how easy it is. I don’t allow myself to be held down and controlled by Earthly definitions. We tend to sometimes care too much about people who don’t give a shit about us sometimes and we feel we’re so obligated to that. Na. This is your life. You must decide. In terms of my friendships, I don’t fuck with people who bring negativity into my life and people who move around in a loop of the same problems and refuse to change their situations as if they define them. See some people don’t know what life could be without chaos. They truly believe that they must spend their lives putting out fires daily. I’m not saying that this is wrong or right, but what I am saying is that I DON’T FUCK WITH THAT… And it’s my right. Some people might, but I don’t and it’s simple hahaha! I also don’t fuck with people who don’t understand the concept of loyalty and are afraid to be vulnerable. If you can’t be authentic then what are you doing around me?? Come now. 

3. People

This one is simple… Not everyone is going to like you, accept that now. Your job is to make sure that the 40% of people who like you; you work to make them love you but let go of the rest. They are committed to hating to you and disliking you. It’s ok. 

4. Love and Relationships

This is the part I think I’ve learnt the most in… My clarity here is often misunderstood but I’ll take this part to try explain to those who committed too understanding me. So look, love is an emotion. It’s an emotion we feel for people, our pets and the list goes on. I don’t think we’ve evolved enough to fully comprehend it yet but what we know and can agree on is that it’s real. It’s most real when we feel the romantic form of love. That kind of life is the most powerful force of beauty simply because of the amount of destruction it can cause. Law of inverses. You can’t fully embrace an entity if you can’t mentally accept its inverse. 

I’ve seen that in my past relationships, I was just one fucked up human being man. I guess I used girls to get some approval and some validation and I guess I kept at it because somehow the girls seemed to allow me. I see now that I was a broken person man. Scared of life, I was insecure and I had no clue about me or my purpose here. I was cold, dark, twisted and manipulative. I went into relationships and love with high expectations and beliefs that I had no clue of origin. I guess maybe it was the movies and shit, I don’t know. It was about monogamy, faithfulness and all those definitions. I often ask myself do we love for real or do we love by definition and ideas created for us because why is it that we’ve defined identifiers of love and shit. Haha I don’t expect an answer because even I don’t have one But I see now that love just like any other experience is something you must go into, to listen to learn and to grow. 

Maybe it was just me but my relationships were fireworks and borderline psychotic and we both always had such high expectations and beliefs regarding the other person’s role which we expected them to simply know. I look back now and I can understand why some of my exes hate my guts today and don’t even want to speak to me simply because ya I was fucked up man. I don’t think anybody deserves to have another human being be overrun by love if that person hasn’t found themselves and goes into love without expectation. Ladies don’t allow a dude into your life who just hasn’t figured himself out yet because he will project those insecurities on you and this is for guys too. I’m not here to act like I know better, but I see that something like love is dangerous. We have too many broken people dating other broken people who are afraid of being alone and so as result move from relationship to relationship without dealing with themselves. It seems that people hate themselves and come to you expecting you to love them and those are the most dangerous kinds of human.

I had to take a chill pill for a couple of years to really redevelop me because me is all ill have until I die. I had to really look back at my choices and understand them and maybe I’m ready to love again but I see I had to find me and really understand what I was dealing with. It’s an experience and I hold nothing against my exes, I still love them and honestly can say I’m done with the bitterness because I’ve grown beyond the definitions the pain had built for me. And since love is an experience, one must understand that it comes and also goes. One must never try waste energy to keep it together. Let it have its natural course. Nothing is immortal and one must realize that it’s ok. It really is ok hey haha… 

5. Me…

In terms of me; I am in the most beautiful place I could’ve ever imagined man. I am where I should be and I can feel it daily. Happiness is created, it is not found. Because it is created, it has to be created for oneself by oneself, there’s no other way to do it. I look at my life and my choices like I said above, and I understand them. We really can’t look past the choices we don’t understand. So I understand them now. I’m a happy person and because of that I guess success just seems to chase me now. I no longer seek the approval and validation of people. Sure they can be cool, but I don’t thirst for them. Only my approval matters. Only my ok matters. And only my handclap matters. I don’t ever do something I don’t want to regardless of how obligated people might think I am to do them. This is my life. I’m wholeheartedly proud of me and all I’ve done and am more proud of and in love with who I’m becoming. This is me, this is my purpose. You’ll know you’re working in your purpose when it no longer feels like you’re betraying yourself. I don’t do that to myself no more and I don’t tone myself down for anyone. 

How many times can people really say they are proud of themselves is my question?? I’m here to tell you that all that isn’t something you need from others. And as much as you’ve been trained to think that it’s arrogant to be the shit to you and be unapologetic, I’m here to tell you that that is a prerequisite to creating happiness. People will always have opinions on you and how it is you must live your life and if you allow yourself to follow that, you’ll live your whole life tryna impress people nut never yourself and you’ll die. I’m here to tell you that you must learn to be happy with you and your life. You won’t make everyone happy because of that but honestly fuck em. There will also be this thing they call haters but man, I don’t know what they look like but who cares. If people hate me now, I guess they’ll hate me because I’m happy and because I live an epic life ey hahaha. 

I know me. I know my shit. I got the JUICE and I don’t chase things anymore, they chase me. I know now that I’ll receive all that I want if I’m patient enough because I’ll receive them when I’m ready to receive them. My job is to be clear and concise about what I want, work on me and simply wait. Easy… so ya.

Be proud of you… That’s all I’ll say today… Boooom!

“One day it just clicks… You realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they’d never recover. And then you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.”

IG, Twitter: @Lui_Innovator

Drake & Future - "Digital Dash"